Two Nurses & A Therapist
Working in healthcare is not (now or really, ever has been!), for the faint of heart. So many of us are overwhelmed, exhausted, and considering hard choices.
We get it.
We've been there; even before the pandemic years.
For the three of us, there has been a big shift in how we see things. We see things from the inside out now - not from the outside pushing in on us.
It's been the best thing - personally and professionally.
Two Nurses & A Therapist - The Innate Health Podcast. By & for healthcare providers who would love some peace of mind and mental well being.
Join us.
Two Nurses & A Therapist
06 - Understanding Perception: Separate Realities
Can a lawnmower teach us about the complexities of human perception? Join us for a lighthearted yet insightful exploration into the world of separate realities in personal relationships and healthcare. I share a chuckle-worthy anecdote from my early days as a marriage and family therapist, where a couple's clashing accounts of a lawnmower incident revealed just how differently two people can view the same experience. Wendy adds her own twist with a comical story about a flower shop miscommunication with her husband, Jeff. These stories underscore the importance of understanding and humor in navigating the everyday confusions that arise from our unique perceptions.
The concept of separate realities isn't limited to personal relationships; it extends into the healthcare field as well. We delve into how past experiences shape perceptions, illustrated by a patient's anxiety linked to memories of an ex-girlfriend. Wendy and Tyson, alongside therapist Lori, explore the dynamic interplay between nurses' intuition and doctors' expertise, emphasizing the mind-body connection's role in patient care. Through heartening stories from various medical units, we highlight the progressive shift towards a more empathetic healthcare system. As we wrap up, we invite you to embrace the idea of innate health and well-being and help us foster a supportive community for future conversations.
We're here today, two nurses and a therapist, wendy, tyson and Lori, and we decided we want to talk about separate realities. And here's why separate realities make such a big difference, when people really, really see the depth of what we are going to introduce to you. Because you know, as a marriage and family therapist, as a relationship coach, every issue that any couple, any two people, have ever brought to me, has been around a separate reality, seeing things so differently, differently. It's like they could be from two different planets. And in fact I had this memory that dates back way, way, way long ago, like when I was first an intern. Right, one of my very first couples they came in individually, first first the husband and then the wife, and I mean it makes me chuckle because I didn't know about separate realities back when I was interning. That came later, when I got exposed to the three principles.
Speaker 1:So the man comes in and he tells me this very long story about a lawnmower. I have no recollection what the story was or if it was heartbreaking or funny. Damn, I have no memory of that. But I remember the a lawnmower. Because the wife comes in like this is like the next week. Well, at least seven days have passed and she's telling me about a lawnmower. But I could swear the two. They were two different lawnmowers. The story, like I, got so confused. This couple, they're married, they live together and they're both telling me a story about a lawnmower. That is like two. How would these two people have a story about a lawnmower and they don't live together, they don't know each other and they have two very different lawnmowers? That's what it sounded. Oh, it is interesting. So I'm really interested to hear what wendy and tyson can share with us about separate realities.
Speaker 2:Wendy, looks like you've got. You're making me laugh, laurie. By the way, I'm glad to be here. It's wendy and it's making me laugh because, um, I was. I think I said to you guys before we started the video or, excuse me, making the audio today that most of my separate reality stories involve my husband. So it's really funny, laurie, that you're kind of setting up the husband-wife relationship. Fun introduction, fun introduction.
Speaker 2:So just the other day I suggested to Jeff that he investigate a store that's near us about. You know, they might be a good resource for him for something A woman's. It was a flower shop that this flower shop might be a good resource for him for a project he's working on. So I described in our town where it was on this side of the street and he was looking befuddled and I said it's right near, let me think it's near the corner. I said I know it's across the street from the abandoned Whole Foods market, you know Whole Foods supermarket. So he said, oh okay, I got it. So a couple days later, three or four days later, he did have he had a good conversation for his project with the woman. I guess he came home and told me that. So a couple of days later we're in a different part of our town and I know you guys can't see me, but basically, if I were to extend my hand forward toward 12 o'clock on a clock, um, we were heading toward the flower shop, which was around 12 o'clock and Jeff is describing. He said, you know, remember, the other day I talked to the woman at the flower shop about the project and, um, you know, it's right, he's. He begins to describe to me where the flower shop is. I've already told him where the flower shop was, but anyway, so he's trying to describe it to me.
Speaker 2:So he's in the car, he's driving and he picks up his thumb to say it's across the street from the Whole Foods, and he points towards 6 o'clock over his shoulder. And so I'm confused. I'm thinking is it a different flower shop? Because we do have a Whole Foods market. That's at six o'clock. We're driving away from Whole Foods market in this very moment. So I kept saying which you mean? You mean she used to work at the flower shop, at that other Whole Foods, because Whole Foods markets have flower shops in them. So he's like no, no, no, no, no, you know, across the street from the Whole Foods.
Speaker 2:And he keeps pointing back at six o'clock and my brain is I'm like, I don't understand. So the woman you talked about, the project, she also worked at the other, isn't that funny? She worked at a Whole Foods in another area and he's like Wendy, what are you talking about she works at? And he kept. And I said well, if you pointed towards six o'clock, I mean toward 12 noon, I would know you were talking about the empty Whole Foods building where her flower shop that's not attached to Whole Foods is over there. And he's like I don't believe you don't understand me. And I'm like because you're pointing back.
Speaker 2:So but when he explained to me why he was pointing that way because he was trying to point about the Whole Foods being across the street he just used his thumb in a different way. So in his mind he was explaining to me very clearly that with his gesticulations, as he was driving and I was completely, and he was using English words and he was there was nothing. What he said was wrong. I would just argue that maybe the thumb pointing could have been different, but it's separate realities. But we got into a thing. I mean, it was a thing for like five minutes.
Speaker 2:I'm going why don't you? Why would you do it that way? You did it wrong, you did it wrong, you used your thumb wrong, you pointed wrong, and then finally I just laughed at myself. I said he wasn't wrong, it was just how I took it in and I wasn't right. He wasn't wrong, I'm not wrong, he's not right, it was just. It is what it is. But that happens a lot in my, my home. That separate reality thing, you know, it's just, it was just funny, but it. But if we, if I, whatever, if we didn't leave it there and I walked away going, I have an idiot for a husband, he drives me nuts and that's what can happen. I know because I used to be a relationship coach too, laurie, you might remember, and I know that these things can become like oh, this person doesn't get life, doesn't get the world.
Speaker 2:I could watch a Fox News episode and come away with one impression, and somebody that's sitting right next to me could come away with a very different impression. We've all experienced that right. With whatever news you're watching or whatever events happening in the world, we all go oh my gosh, and we have an opinion about it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's such a great story. You know it seems so minor, it's just thumb pointing, but you could see how people get so worked up because they get this idea that they're wrong and they themselves are the right one. And why can't the other person see it the way I see it? Of course I see it the right way, right? That's the beauty of the principles, because consciousness explains why we see it the way we see it. It just explained it to me so perfectly. Yeah, so that's great, tyson, you got a story.
Speaker 3:I do, and I don't know that it's necessarily separate realities. I think it is. I'll just dive into it. But first, wendy, that made me giggle the way you were explaining that, and I can see that with so many couples and I, you know, we've all been there where we just don't understand what they're talking about, like getting so frustrated, getting so frustrated. And I was explaining to you too earlier how I kind of discovered separate realities in when I was talking to a friend of mine that I and I said the world is an illusion. I don't know if that's necessarily true, but life is an illusion because we're all born with these genes, our genetics and, if you believe in karma, these karmas that we, that we have, and then we're born into this family where we're told different things and learn different things and our perception of it can be one thing, and then we go through life like living in this reality that we've made up, basically, and then everybody else is the exact same. They've been born the way they were born into, a family they were born into, and the circumstances. So they, they, they can't see things any different until they do. And and so it it when you can see that, like we really are all walking in separate realities and sometimes we and sometimes our realities match, and that's probably why we become partners with certain people, because we can see things the same in some circumstances.
Speaker 3:But I see this at work a lot. I use it, you know, when I'm talking to a patient and they're convinced of some, absolutely convinced of something and of course they are because of what they've been through in their life, you know they have to be more defensive and they have to protect themselves in certain ways. For some of them and I had a patient come up to me the other day and he wanted some medication to calm his nerves and he said every time I think of he wanted some medication to calm his nerves. And he said every time I think of, every time I have these certain thoughts, I get worked up. And I said, well, stop thinking those thoughts, you won't get worked up, kind of tongue in cheeky, because he could, I knew he could, he could, he could handle that, and he goes yeah, but that's easier said than done.
Speaker 3:And then he started to explain to me how his ex-girlfriend had said some pretty mean things about him and he was kind of focused on that and I said you know, do you see Hazel sitting over there? And he said, yeah, I said if she said those things to you, what would your reaction be? He goes I'd laugh. I said it's no different. You're just having these stories about why it makes a difference that your ex-girlfriend said it instead of Hazel. But you can just laugh at that too. And that gets more into our thought and what we believe is real, more real. But all thought is really just neutral and we create our realities through how we believe our, our thoughts are real.
Speaker 2:So yeah, I have a great work story too and it's this I'm making it sound so lighthearted. But you know, as a nurse, I was a nurse for years in palliative care, hospice kind of work for a while and I remember there were people that I was like, all right, the doctor really needs to come in and, you know, have a moment with this patient and this family and really draw it out. Because I'm looking at their chart, I'm looking at their past medical history. I'm looking at their chart. I'm looking at their past medical history. I'm looking at their skinny little, cachectic face, I'm looking at their oxygen level needing to go. You know I'm like, oh, you know it's time to say we need to transition to hospice or we need. You know it's the end of life.
Speaker 2:And you know there were, I can't tell you, so many times I was wrong. The doctor would come along the physician perspective on things. So many times I was right. But it isn't even really about right and wrong. It makes it sound like a game. It isn't a game. It isn't a game.
Speaker 2:But there were so many times that my read of the chart, my read of the person's body, my read of their breathing pattern, spelled out it's coming soon.
Speaker 2:And there were so many times when the doctor was like you know, I've got another trick up my sleeve or I've got, or you know, I think something's going, and they and they were refraining from having that end of life discussion and dog on it If, if I don't know where this person, the, the, the, the ill person is, got their, their second wind from, but that happened so often and, um, you know there's an eternal, you know I hope it's ending, but maybe you can tell me, tyson, because you're in the hospitals these days of you know, kind of like nurses are common sense and smart and doctors are all wrapped up and whatever. They're wrapped up, you know, but that, but that whole there was like it was almost I didn't even give it a chance. I was thinking separate realities right from the get-go. You know so, but I remember that from work, just from my hospital days. I still work as a nurse now, but from my hospital days, like wow, separate realities.
Speaker 1:You know, what occurs to me is the mind-body connection that, as more and more healthcare providers are exposed to this understanding what a different system we're going to have medically, because you can see the innocence in you know the way people frame doctors or the way people frame nurses, because they had their education through the body and the mechanics, the physical mechanics of the person, and now, with this understanding of the mental mechanics of the person, what a beautiful blend you can see in your medical stories, both of you, that in understanding, especially like we really had the before and after picture right Like before Wendy understood separate realities, she had her story, and now Tyson had her story as she began to understand how separate realities work.
Speaker 1:So that's just really beautiful. It makes me so hopeful about medicine and being in hospitals because people, myself included, are deathly afraid of being in a hospital because it's like being a number and not having a connection with someone a doctor you've never met before, nursing staff you don't know from a hole in the wall and yeah. So I'm wondering is there anything else?
Speaker 3:Because we're getting close to our 20 minute mark and I want to make sure I'll just wrap up with some hope, because the two hospitals that I've worked for I've been so incredibly fortunate to work with great providers. When I did labor and delivery we had a doctor that sat with the patients during labor and he was very intuitive and really connected with patients even from the get-go, before they were even presenting in labor, so he knew how to read patients and what to base our progression on based on that. And then in the mental health unit that I work in, one particular provider really stands out in that she helps patients have a lot of autonomy and asks them questions about you know about their medication, about their side effects, about their past, and really gets to know where they're coming from their perspective and bases treatment on that. So I think those I'll end with those two excuse me stories because I think they bring hope too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I, I, I would, I would hope that times are are changing and that's where the the inside out understanding is so great, because it's just shining a light on the way we work anyway, the way that we're built anyway. And it's great when, when, when, there are some people in the world who actually are aware that human beings see things differently. And we're not talking about just different opinions, we're not talking about perspectives, we're talking about when, looking at the exact same and listening to the same conversation, it can just sound so different to us that we can get into trouble. But yeah, no, I appreciate those frontline hope stories. Tyson, thank you.
Speaker 1:And that's why I love the term shepherd reality too, because it is like Wendy was saying, it's like being in a different reality from the other person, a whole different reality. It's not, like Wendy said, just a different opinion or a different perspective. It is literally like two different realities. We sound like sci-fi now.
Speaker 3:I'm like sci-fi now. I just wanted to add too, and it speaks to why one method can work for somebody and not for somebody else. We're totally different people and it might work. Something might work great for somebody, whether it's a medication, a practice, you know, whatever it might be might work great for one person, based on their background and everything and what their needs are, but it might not work for somebody else.
Speaker 1:So, and knowing that everybody has innate health. They're innately healthy. They can depend on their own wisdom, their own knowing what procedure is going to be best for them. If they're given you know all the possibilities, they'll know what will help them feel better, whether it's, you know, taking a walk, doing some yoga, whatever they enjoy, going out and gardening. It's not a prescription, right? I love this about this innate understanding. It is not a prescription, it is a description. It's a description about how everyone works the same, but they have different realities. They're living in different, separate realities. They're living in different, separate realities.
Speaker 2:Oh, I love that reminder. Yeah, it is describing, it's not prescribing, it isn't a tool to bring out say, oh yeah, you know, it's more of like okay. And that's why we're doing this, because the three of us as human beings who happens to be in health care? Learned about how things worked. Somebody described it to us and we were like, oh, now things are clicking in a little bit easier, now I get, now I get it and I'm not fighting my own internal system, and so that's what we're hoping to spread. I saw this the other day. Innate health is my jam and I'm spreading it.
Speaker 3:So that's what. I don't know if we've done an episode on that yet, but maybe we can on innate health and trusting that we all have it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a great idea. More to be revealed, more to be All right. Well, thank you so much for listening. We are two nurses and a therapist Wendy and Lori and Tyson. The two nurses are Wendy and Tyson and Lori's a therapist, and tune in next time and feel free to leave a comment anytime.
Speaker 3:Take care, bye, bye.
